Help! my Child is a TEEN*
Help my daughter is 12/13
I am concerned about her faith and need advice to navigate her teen years
From 2000 to 2003 [pre internet, pre social media] I was a Youth Director at a 200 member church and led a mix all ages of students for a few years, (some were church kids and many unsaved were brought there who had gone to church occassionally in the past at non Christian "churches"). I was able to share the Gospel with them and educate as best I could. I have (since Covid era) collected some resources and ideas you can sift through to implement in your home to help train your child up in the faith. Just bits and bobs that turned into useful resources. There's a load of great useful information out there today but I hope this blesses you and others you share this with.
Browsingly skim this page and note the beginning now test, at the bottom, before you pop around in the links. 😊
Helping parents navigate preteen and teen years...
I think it is the right time to start the below if you have not been doing so.
The advice and resources here can apply to boys as well, find applicable.
Open every link in a new tab so you can return to this page. Also bookmark this page as it is updated semi frequently.
WHATS THE CURRENT LIFE LIKE
Is she asking questions? Or just going about life, and is it unguided?
Do you have family daily devotions after dinner at the table & prayer?
Do you spend time going thru important faq about the faith? A good time would be after the devotional, all gathering at tv, distraction free to review one or two and open questions up on it, and for faith and life questions, free from judgment but to give godly advice.
Have you ever taught your child how to seek self help from the Scriptures related to life matters and spiritual matters? Self counseling from the Bible
What if your child goes to church but has bought into false teachings from some random place or false church online? Nip it in the bud.
CHANGE IS HERE DEAR
Concerns over losing child to the world, is it too late to "train up a child" who is starting 8th grade?
You could also simply have a family merti g and tell them, to prepare them for change, "you are a teen now and we as parents need to start having important discussions with you about faith, and life, and preparing you for life as an adult. Some things will change now, involvement, to prep you for "life after school." And we will do our best to be helpful, caring and not judgmental. During this time you will start to make some decisions that we give you freedom to do so, and sometimes it will have bad consequences due to bad decisions. We would rather you come to us to discuss things in advance for everything, and we hope you do. We want to help guide you but ultimately you are your own person and have to live your own life. For now we will let you make choices, in the areas that we feel appropriate so you dont feel suffocated at home, but hope you feel loved at home and would see us as 1st people you confide in and ask questions of."
Def make sure the kids/teens know church and its activities are required and should be enjoyed. And after church ask questions on the ride home (distraction free): ask about the lesson they learned in Sunday School, and any questions they have from the sermon, or something interesting they heard. See if theres a light thing you can say, and later find a good resource to text a link over to them by phone when you get home. (Have your spouse unnoticeably write it down in her phone if you drive home, or ask the teen to text certian things.)
Be genuine before your kids. Truly seek God and love him and live out your faith daily and your children will see. If we put on an act for the world, and live differently at home, our kids will be the first to recognize the hypocrisy and double standards. But if we are the same person at home as we are at church it will give our children more confidence and a more solid foundation in their own faith.
When you mess up and argure or have issues with your spouse, make sure to resolve those where your children can see you modeling Christianity: asking for forgiveness, forgiving, showing grace, restoring fellowship, not bringing past issues up, not being bitter, showing weaknesses, compromising because something isnt that important, etc.
At the first devotion you should go over what the Gospel is. You can play this video on the tv. And then go over what the document there says. And ask for questions. Maybe mom can ask about questions to get her comfortable to talk. Or dad to the sons.
*Maybe devotions time comes with a hot tea and a lil snack/dessert.
Pray and ask for prayer requests too.
Theyll see home devotions is similar to church, brings community, and is caring, loving, and not judgmental.
Make sure they start reading the Bible daily as a new daily life habit, at a set time, perhaps in the evening, in a quiet house, 30 min before they go to bed, at the kitchen table. And be open to answering questions and having them load biblestudy org app and use gotquestions.org to search for answers as they read (if related to that verse) as part of the self help learning. Tell them to always ask you if they have questions theres no info on, or a general curiosity that is not really related to what they are studying, but to ask the pastor by text or by family email [(for safety)] those questions too big for your parents. That way they wont seek wrong advice by unsaved people and wreck their faith and life for no real reason.
IDENTITY
One thing that is important at this age, is her identity. She must understand it is in God as a human; an image bearer of God, and "our purpose", or she will fall into the muck in public schools.
These also would be good to go thru as a family, videos, podcasts and books that help:
Helping teens understand their God goven identity; general identity guidance
Understanding MZ Gen Alpha identity crisis
Anxiety, panic attacks, depression, suicide etc
Issues related to body image and self esteem
If need be, have mom take some topics so the daughter feels comfortable & will engage. Same with boys to their believing father or grandfather, or male youth pastor or pastor (at your home when you are there).
RESOURCES
Here are several other resources to help you train them up in the faith. For the books, try to buy in print so theyre on the table & bookshelf so you can have them utilize them, find one and read it daily/ every week, and reference the faq ones as needed if GotQuestions doesnt answer it or well enough. Ensure they read any hyperlinked verses attached on that website and in general do so when reviewing digital content.
If you are poor & do not have money for books, ask church members (in class, in fellowship or on chat groups, or youth leader/Sunday school teacher) if you can borrow a book for a week or two, and go about it that way, or ask the church to buy these (a couple a month) and add to the church library so members can check them out for a week or two. Some books on this site are free to read or here.
Preparation of teens to adulthood
Here are age related resources for them.
For Girls
Preparing your daughter for Womanhood (article)
Guiding your Daughter to Womanhood (video)
Preparing your tween for Womanhood Here or Here (book)
Every young womans battle workbook
Young women making right choices
? Ashamed: overcoming sins girls dont want to talk about (Maybe at 16?)
Books for boys
Young mans guide to making right choices
Disciplines of a godly young man
𝘍𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘓𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘔𝘢𝘯: 𝘈 𝘉𝘰𝘭𝘥, 𝘉𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘉𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘗𝘭𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘗𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘗𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘺 book
These might help too, and the books linked
General Books
Some books you could get for the family to borrow off the kitchen or coffee table could be:
Person of Interest, by Wallace
Cold case Christianity, by Wallace (updated)
God's Crime Scene, by Wallace
Forensic Faith, by Wallace
*You might be able to buy in a bundle at amazon.
555 difficult bible questions answered
10k Q&A 😀
Fundamentals of Faith (maybe at 13?)
School of Biblical Evangelism (goes thru religions) [14-18 age range]
Age 8-12
The books could also be put on tablet by kindle and app. Cold Case Christianity has an app so if child has her own phone, have your wife text the link to your child, to add it.
If you find any good books for teen years, get them, read them first, and if good, add to the table pile. Show the new books to the kids at end of a devotion time and encourage them to read it on the couch or wherever that week. Put the read ones on the bookshelf. If you own the book: Leave out yellow highlighters, so they can be encouraged to mark them, and feel free to reference them again off the shelf later on.
If borrowing: have them write down notes, important points and bible references in a notebook, noting the book title and author... for future reference. They could add it to a family email account to search up anytime.
Pick the most essential books only. Their time is limited with you a few more years.
Parent books
And a book for parents, called inlaws but youll see why its good to get for you as parents ... with teens
https://www.gracebooks.com/quick-scripture-reference-for-counseling-youth.html
https://www.gracebooks.com/age-of-opportunity-2nd-edition.html
https://www.christianbook.com/preparing-daughter-creative-conversations-emotional-integrity/shannon-ethridge/9780307458582/pd/458582?event=PRCBD1
Video - 12 ways to love your wayward child
Resources:
Providing shade for our children (gty)
How to lead your child to Christ
Devotions
Devotions can include:
Questions and Answers (#1-79?)
*(Some have videos, earlier are audios)
Heres #1 heres #54(?) Video version 💥
Meditations on Jesus words 365
Proverbs 365
Jesus am/pm 365
Jesus in the OT (girls)
And maybe pair what verse your devotion was about with a same verse video from here. You could give it as an option for the children to join you on the couch to watch, after devotional time, and do it consistently, let it play even if they dont join, you can be in the kitchen or etc while it could be heard in a short range, if they dont join you.
You could say, this guy has been preaching over 50 years he is really knowledgable. And even does Q& A sessions with the church. To get them to come see.
Devotions can start out simple or be about various specific topics and faq listed here.
A few topic ideas:
*Understanding the Gospel
* What should I allow into my mind and spend time on?
* Importance of having Core Beliefs
* World issues thru the lense of Scripture
* Right mindset; grace filled life
* Having a Biblically correct view of women
VIDEOS
Good resources are:
Cold case Christianity, see several playlists
Living Waters playlists (& wotm has faq)
Crossexamined (skip the God of gaps/calvinist videos)
Questions & Answers (theres 59 or 79) limited ones on yt but all are at gty.org
-Short well answered faq - *evil people? *whats love of world? * marriage Eden till now (and why you wouldnt marry sibling or cousin). *cussing (unwise/sinful). *bad music. He may drop in short sermon points, (which helps a listener embrace preacher messages vs eck its Sunday) so i love this in his videos faq.
Bite size answers from Mailbag Friday @ wretched.org
"Smart Christians" testimonies - converted atheists
CCC: ⭐
- Creation/Universe video💥
- Person of interest video
- Bible reliability
Understanding eyewitness testimony
AUDIOS
Songs
Scripture songs & songs you can play as well (app) Listen during a distraction free time.
Important Message for all children
Honoring & Obeying your Parents
Podcast
Christian podcast (all are good)
0- intro to the guys
77 is good, about importance of Gen as 6 days
116 - tips for healthy communication
54 combatting doubts about the faith
100 how to strengthen your worldview
96 whats sin nature about
92 What does repentance mean
17 made in God's image
89 - bullying problems, why
15 peer pressure
73 what discipleship should look like
57 how to fullfill the 2 commandments
50 honoring our parents
47 how to tame the tongue
46 how to tame anger
43 the Holiness of God
44 the wrath of God
45 the justice of God
37 wisdom from the Word
109 Overcome jealousy and envy
21 the dangers of pride
174 Handling humiliation with humility
157 Learning patience
156 The marvels of meekness
168 How to serve like Jesus
180 Caution with social media usage & phones
169 Finding calm amidst the busyness
165 Should we ever cut someone out of our lives
137 Healthy friendships
155 Avoiding gossip and slander
126 handling criticism & correction
116 healthy communication
114 biblical meditation
112 cure for lonliness
110 walk in joy
100 how to strengthen your worldview
145 Lessons from life of Job
144 Lessons from life of David
143 Lessons from life of Moses
142 Lessons from life of Joseph
141 Lessons from life of Abraham
140 Lessons from life of Noah
131 unwanted thoughts (video too)
130 spiritual gifts
181 Gap year for strengthening faith 👍
186 How to Stand Firm in a Godless Culture
* Christians parents, God wants you to be the first school, church, and government for your family and children.
Bibles
Audio Bible, dramatized for youth, ltd (web)
Full Audio Bible, NASB (app)
👉 take advantage of all audios in the car
You can do this mom and dad! 💪🙏
StudyBible.org app
*tons of resources and faq when you click a verse in the app.
Life Skills
Pls get them prepared for various financial knowledge, car: how to fix a tire, the oil, and other vehicle things, and avoid rip offs, scams, etc, and everything safety as a young woman (ask other teen moms what else to know). Boys need to understand safety from a womans view, etc, and real world stuff they need to know too. Teach all about trusts, llc's, maybe move your assets to them (trusts) and have them there during the process. *Dont go extreme on politics, but on those points provide just a couple solid books as resources on the big topics & discuss the connection to faith, God & Bible, as well, so they can get educated b4 school brainwashes them, or does any more damage now thru college. 👇👇
While you want to get all of this in their minds from 12-18...
Some parents have their kids take a gap year to get solid on Scripture, Christianity, Evidences and solidify their faith before they send them to college.
The ccc material will help solidify their faith. The videos, books, and yt playlists on those topics. 👍👍
Create a family playlist for sermons, and Christian answers" they can follow & browse too. Maybe add 10 new ones each week and send a text or group chat a note that it has been updated (?).
Pray also. And even if they walk away from faith, pray and post faq of these materials and answers on your fb wall, so they will see them. And always center the holidays on Christ.
Pray together as well, daily.
ENTERTAINMENT
Helps for shows and movies.
Though I don't recommend Christian families and those who are guiding their children and teens into Christianity watch any that come from hollywood, bcuz it draws them into worldly things. There's so many better and more appropriate Christian focused movies, music, tv, content, audios, and books out there, and with such little time to influence them and train them up in Christ, we shouldnt waste time on worldly ones, and letting Satan influence their minds.
EDUCATION
For over 30 years I have been sounding alarms for parents who claim to be Christian to GET YOUR KIDS OUT OF PUBLIC SCHOOLS. I don't care how much you have to sacrifice to do so. Today it has become so perverted and wicked that they are brainwashing children into racism towards white people (with CRT, DEI and the like) and also sexual perversion being pushed as young as kindergarten with plans to push further to preschool! The world has gone mad and they are hiring, employing and contracting sexually perverted people to push LGBT on your kids the entire time they are at school and at activities from primary through college, and even in the Physical Education classes where they allow boys and men to be in the girls locker rooms. This is insanity on steroids'. In order to train up your child rightly and in the Lord you must must must remove them from public schools. And if that means moving to another county or state do so and do it right now. Find a new job and move. Your child's soul is at stake. You cannot be laxed when it comes to your child. You cannot let Satan and the demons that run the public school system today drag your child into satanic and perverted worldviews, you must guard and protect them. Move to a State that protects parental rights on this issue and religious freedom if you must, and if that state passes laws at some point and SCOTUS doesnt knock all of this perversion out of the schools and protect parental rights nationwide, then you must simply pick up and move again. And you must educate your children along the way, and deeply on the issues. If the children are living in the cesspool of the world they will be greatly influenced by it and be subtly and slowly pulled into it. Children and teens do not have the capacity to understand these issues as we adults do, and so we need to work hard and long to educate ourselves on this from a Christian perspective and to properly present and continually educate our children on it in our comings and goings in daily life as well as they grow year to year and get older and older.
You can homeschool your children, and you can have your parents or a likeminded Christian (one or two there at the same time) from church come to your home and help them through what they need supervision for, or become part of a local homeschool co-op group, or get your children in the school the church provides. You can find it and make it work, and keep your kids protected from sexual predators and groomers. Today this is a MUST. Investigate it, take action, and get your kids out of public schools asap.
BEFORE YOU BEGIN...
Do a test before you get started for yourself, and have your 8-18 year old go through the questions in this book, before you begin. It tests what you know, helps you see where your weaknesses are, and helps you and your kids get started in anchoring their faith.
Video book. Workbook Dvd
*If you as Christian parents (and relatives) are leading your child through TRAIN or your Church youth pastor is (or both), when you go out to challenge remind the teens [and the 8-12 year olds if you want them to develop "thick skin" with your guidance], once you reach the implimentation phase...have it be known as not just a challenge in public and on trips, but also as a information gathering event. That way when you N-nurture theyll see theyre collecting data to be able to answer those ojections and issues the next time they encounter that problem; it will be solved already 😀. So if they don't know what to say or fumble it a bit, or people are mean, you can remember -God's Word doesnt return void. Even if you mess up, the person was reminded of God, and is being pointed to Jesus and the Bible. You can have them take a breath, repeat that memory verse/portion of Scripture as soon as they have a bad encounter, remind them of other verses, high 5, and get back out there. Then 🤗 when you go through lessons learned back at base camp (church) you can go through their pocket-hand recorder or phone recording and see what the objections were, remove the emotion from it, focus on the underlying question that was in the objection, and find out how they can better answer that next time. Even if it is looking at resources (online article or video the adult has them go through before the end if the day and as homework) 🙂. Repeated exposure helps them become more accurate under pressure 😊.
Related books:
Forensic Faith book adults & teens
Forensic Faith book for kids
Another important book for parents
So the Next Generation will Know
So the Next Generation will Know workbook
Parent Reset; prevent your kids from backsliding (book)
DATING. COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE
The purpose of dating or courtship is to find a life partner in Christ. Not to willy nilly dip into the world and become prey to sexual predators who use your child for sins.
12 things every father should discuss with his future son in law
50 Questions to ask your daughters suitor
Conversations to have with your child so they don't date non Christians, and topics around unequally yoked issues. And a bit more so they understand they can never date anyone who is not actually a protestant biblical Christian. Not a progressive, not someine who claims to be Christian, but someone whose life
Think about your definition of courtship? is it just that you want them to date with intentionality? Or do you have specific rules that define courting? Will it have healthy good boundaries and family involved like with the Duggars courting methods?
You need to be proactive and insist on meeting him first. Maybe even get together with him a couple of times before ok’ing a date.
Talk to him about your expectations.
You’re your daughters protector so it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t like the questions you’re asking, then that should give you a good indicator that he should move along.
My husband went through those with our son-in-law. Talk to his parents. Ask for references of godly people, seriously.
Teach: “don’t date/court until you’re ready to get married, and don’t get married until you’re ready to have kids.” [and teach "cash over debt"]. Depending on maturity an 18 yr old could easily qualify or not qualify. A lot of it depends on how serious and mature the boy is.
Everyone has different standards of what it means “to be ready.” There is some Christian liberty there but do try not to add too many worldly put expectations or standards onto the situation.
No courting until each of them are *ready* for marriage. For the guy, it means having all his ducks in a row. For her, it mainly means that she is emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, socially read - mature. Is he a mature believer in the Faith and knows the Scriptures better deeper than her? He will be her spiritual leader after they marry. Are they members in the church??? Is she being discipled by an older woman? Is He? Do they have older believers in their lives (that aren’t you) that see growth and maturity?
Below are a few books for parents on this topic, a book to go through with your daughter, and a video to watch and discuss with hith of them, plus material that might help you navigate relationships with folk who might become your inlaws or daughter in law or are. (See below) and listen to this on men.
Make sure your children know that for anyone who wants to date-court you they need to have a meeting with us your parents and be screened first, and that all interactions with them will be monitored closely.
Note to the courter, "looking for a spouse is a serious matter because if it isnt right, you are stuck together for 80 miserable years. So to protect your child it will be a serious time to get to know you and your family, but one where we will have a nice time together and if it doesnt work out we can part ways in a good way and with God's blessing."
Make sure the young adults are never alone and always with a chaperone. Make sure you use a courting phone (a dedicated cheap phone with a burner number) where the couple can text and call (on speaker) at home (and it remains in parents hands except at designated times to call and text) and in the room you are in, to be monitored.
The point is to build up a connection, do in depth discussions with the one theyre interested in, to see if they are an appropriate true Christian who lives that out in their daily life, not just a church goer and one who claims to be Christian. You also need to engage that person during the week and interact with their parents to see if they come from a solid godly Christian home. For both the one seeking your young adult and of their parents, when you purposefully engage them weekly you need to know about them. You need to know a lot about that potential mate, including daily Bible reading routines, prayers, what they read and pray about. What ministry they did during the week. What they plan to do in life for a job, how they see routine life and where ministry, God, the Word, the Gospel fit in for them as a team, how they will handle conflict, grace, repentance, forgiveness, restoration, life events, church events, missions, church active serving discussions, what the future looks like when they are married. How they will take care of the home together, how the man will help the wife at home, in caring for the children, giving her free and rest time, managing the house and finances, rules around finances. All the lifeskills info we talked about in this resource. How they will handle conflict, anger, bitterness, resentment, revenge, rudeness, verbal abuse etc is not allowed now nor when married. Discuss music, entertainment, tattoos, alcohol, drugs, no drinking and driving. What is acceptable amount of alcohol, when is it to be used, etc. godly guidance, pastors and professional couples counseling. Discuss what faithful covenant marriage is, discuss fornication, adultery, affair proofing, avoiding porn and lust, etc. Find out What their beliefs are (ensuring the person agrees with the essentials, discussing secondary issues, ensuring you know what their secondary views are. Discuss which secondary views are important and need to align with; some are deal breakers. Discuss faith wise, financial wise, job wise, on integrity matters and character matters and moral matters. Have the potential mate read books (men or women) to prepare them in life and faith, and discuss those books and related matters with you (with the men w father and daughter with mother and feed back from both parents). Where is the mate headed to college, what conservative Christian college (and is it on campus or online). What degree and job and expected salary will it be. What the job hours look like, is it remote or in person career, is it long hours away from your child as spouse? Is it normal hours, are Sundays and weekends off. How will you handle and navigate pronoun and lgbt issues at work. Are you going to run your own business? Retirement and proper investment plans. All sorts of conversations and things you need to check out. Meet up with the courter, go on double dates with the potential couple and their parents often, interact and get to know them well.
The courter is basically in a long interview process to see if they are worthy to marry your son/ daughter, and take on that job for a lifetime.
They need to be wisely interviewed over a period of time both by you and your child. You will be more rational about it. And allow the courters family to interview you as well.
>>Determine how long it will take to discover these things about the potential mate , and ensure those things are true and that youve seen it on several occassions in action. Let them know the estimated amt of time the courting should take place (6 months, a year, 1.5 yrs, etc). But that if you as parents do a pre interview you can weed out the ones who would not even be considered, up front, to avoid sadness in your child getting attached and having misplaced hope.
⭐Keep good notes. Mark potential issues, things to discuss, red flags, orange flags, things to discuss and things to get clarity on. Things you need them to show and prove to you, emprove on, tighten up on, etc etc.
And if ultimately it is a no on that person, pass on them. Discuss with your child first, and consider what your child might say, think and pray on it. If it is still rationally and rightly a no. Let her know your decision. Contact the courting petson & family on the call and explain why it is a no. And also note to the courter that it doesnt mean they are not valuable as a person or that they wont grow into a wonderful person after maturity or in time, but right now note certian (name them honestly) reasons why they are not a fit for your daughter/son [at this time, or ever.] If not at this time... it might be potential partner after college, after matures a bit more- discuss it. Looking for a spouse is a serious matter because if it isnt right, you are stuck together for 80 miserable years. Let them know if they run wild in the world and have sex before marriage, that will be a deal breaker, and time will tell. Decide the person you will be. See if later that person has corrected those issues.
But [if never] kindly note that they will likely meet someone who is just right for them. And you do hope that the time spent with us has been beneficial and that they consider using it as a template guide for dating or courting others so they can find the mate God has for them, and seek such within good boundaries. And you wish them well and a blessed life.
Offer to give them a copy of the template of questions and important things that need to be a yes. Offer a copy of a summary of your notes to bless and help them help their child. They can use it to help em think through what is important to em in a future spouse, it might be a tool of blessing, they later come to realize.
If you go to the same church, attend elsewhere for 3 weeks temporarilly to sever the feelings the couple may have had. And use that time to talk with your young adult child a little bit on the matters, and note that "God will bring someone to you" who is a right best fit. Not perfect, but in the realm of a proper mate. Explain areas the courter does not meet the qualifications, (and ensure they are reasonable). Until then just keep living for the Lord.
If not at the same church, it is fine. But if your child is frustrated and not being obedient to you for their own good, and having trouble grasping that you have their lifetime of good in mind for their benefit.. find a few Christian men or women who married without good godly parental guidance, or married unequally yoked and share their devistating life story, so your child will see indeed your "parents are seriously looking out for you, and you need to repent and come tell them em was wrong and didnt see you were really really protecting em. And em will trust their parents in the guidance to find a mate, both now and into the future. Even if the mate doesnt come along till you are 30."
Engaged & Married issues:
One way to avoid issues in the process, while engaged and married...is to set boundaries with yourself on matters that are not essential and dial back so you do not interfere like some potential or current monster in law that neither your child nor that child want to be around you. Do not treat them young adults like 10 year olds, dont be bossy, nag or tell what to do in matters of freedom, unimportant lower secondary issues or other non issues. Don't try to tell them you pick her dress and other kinds of nonsense thst is infringing on their lives. If you raise them right they will make decent choices. But build the relationship up so they like you, are comfortable with you, trust you, and will come to you for godly counsel. Let them pray on it and decide their path, even if they fumble it. Let them make the decision on that and other matters. Be available, encourage them consulting you, but let them walk in the decisions they make.
Look at these to help you in advance of engagement and marriage. And seek other reputable ones you can find.
How to disagree rightly & hills worth dying on
Toxic Sons and Daughters-in-Law: Untangling Difficult Relationships
Decoding The In-Law Code: Master Your Mind for Peaceful Relationships
What's a Mother (In-Law) to Do?: 5 Essential Steps to Building a Loving Relationship
Mothers-in law vs. Daughters-in-law: Let There Be Peace
Build up a list of questions and things that need to be discussed, things you need to see in the courters life for you to
Read with her, What He Must Be If He Wants To Marry My Daughter, by Baucham. & have them watch his Love & Marriage series.
This might also be helpful for her/them to watch and have family discussions about.
A helpful book/sermon series and here
Additional Resources
FAQ Christians (updating links soon)
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