Home schooler w bad influence public school friends - advice
Q: We are homeschoolers. As a mom
I’m really struggling right now. I found explicit photos on my son’s phone. When I confronted him, he immediately blamed his public school friend, saying that friend installed the images without him knowing. I’m not sure if I should believe him or if he’s just using this friend as an excuse. My son is a descent kid and It’s starting to feel like this public school friend is a bad influence on him. I’m wondering if I should cut off their contact altogether. Advice?
A: It is likely he is lying and needs either to not have a phone, only a basic flip phone, and have controls in place on the computer/ any media content to limit his venturing further. You could have a police come over [with advanced discussion on what to say and things not to say (things that dont fit a moral worldview), to educate and scare him about porn and jail. And his father can also have important conversations about expectations he has of your son to live as a descent person, not like the bad kids live.
All humans go towards things they have interest in. It's not usually good to go toeards a lot of them. And parents should be guiding them as they raise them, with expectations. Parenting requires education, vigilance and real conversations.
The only book I can recommend on this topic is this one. Not sure if you are a believer but it's worth reading. *If you find it could help him respect women and think well on the topic of sex, have him read it. It's good to have good morals.
As to his friends, as parent you absolutely need to be the one to ensure he is picking good friends. If the things a pal engages in or talks about goes against your morals, values and beliefs (even about respecting women), then you should 1. monitor his friends to see if they're the kinds of kids you want in your sons life, influencing him. You can tell him he can only pick friends who make good moral choices, (and the ones who do not think about, talk about and treat women with dignity and respect are ones he needs to avoid). 2. Further if they prive to be bad influences, you can tell him he can no longer be friends with so & so (whoever you say & why). One family policy might be that you dont let him have friends who have phones with internet connections, and those with hands off/unsupervising parents while at their home, (since there's no supervision and no ensuring they're descent people). *There are plenty of other places he can find friends, and you can take him to places for activities, where he can be on the look out for descent pals, or take him to places you know he's more likely to find such kids.
In 6th grade my parents found out a pal I was friends with at school had parents who were "drinkers". And while a couple times I saw my stepfather and his dad had a beer or two when we visited them [occassionally], my parents didn't want me to be influenced by her parents [who apparently were more of regular drinkers] (should they occassionally allow me) over at their house. I only went there 1 time. She was one of my only friends. They told me I had to tell her I couldn't be friends with her anymore, the very next day at school. So I told her. Obviously she was upset at that, and never talked to me again. It was the right thing for me to do. I never became a drinker or alcoholic. In my view God interviewed and my life was blessed in the long run.
If need be, after evaluating those friends [and parents] you can cut off that friendship, (incl. ensuring no video games with internet buddy connections). Be more watchful over him [maybe only allowing to hang out with kids deemed as friends if you are present, or only at your home so you can guide your son and monitor those kids]. Kids should never be allowed to run around or be somewhere without parental supervision, with them.
Pre facebook, most kids from school were folk we never interacted with again after graduation, college included. So even today it's no big loss. They'll make other, better friends. Kids have similar or same aged relatives in the family so there's more than enough people in their life (besides parents and adults). Kids need guidance and parents are tasked with that job, so they can be the kind of people sent into the world in adulthood who are descent people in society.
If you are not a Christian and you want to explore how Christians conquer and deal with porn and sexually immoral issues this can help. It is a counseling resource.
If you are curious or interested about Christianity, this will help too.
What is the Gospel & why does it matter
What are important things to know about Christianity (4 free videos)
About Church and Christian community
*scroll down to the links area.
Answers to Frequent Questions people have about Christianity.
Related:
Resources for Believers
I’m really struggling right now. I found explicit photos on my son’s phone. When I confronted him, he immediately blamed his public school friend, saying that friend installed the images without him knowing. I’m not sure if I should believe him or if he’s just using this friend as an excuse. My son is a descent kid and It’s starting to feel like this public school friend is a bad influence on him. I’m wondering if I should cut off their contact altogether. Advice?
A: It is likely he is lying and needs either to not have a phone, only a basic flip phone, and have controls in place on the computer/ any media content to limit his venturing further. You could have a police come over [with advanced discussion on what to say and things not to say (things that dont fit a moral worldview), to educate and scare him about porn and jail. And his father can also have important conversations about expectations he has of your son to live as a descent person, not like the bad kids live.
All humans go towards things they have interest in. It's not usually good to go toeards a lot of them. And parents should be guiding them as they raise them, with expectations. Parenting requires education, vigilance and real conversations.
The only book I can recommend on this topic is this one. Not sure if you are a believer but it's worth reading. *If you find it could help him respect women and think well on the topic of sex, have him read it. It's good to have good morals.
As to his friends, as parent you absolutely need to be the one to ensure he is picking good friends. If the things a pal engages in or talks about goes against your morals, values and beliefs (even about respecting women), then you should 1. monitor his friends to see if they're the kinds of kids you want in your sons life, influencing him. You can tell him he can only pick friends who make good moral choices, (and the ones who do not think about, talk about and treat women with dignity and respect are ones he needs to avoid). 2. Further if they prive to be bad influences, you can tell him he can no longer be friends with so & so (whoever you say & why). One family policy might be that you dont let him have friends who have phones with internet connections, and those with hands off/unsupervising parents while at their home, (since there's no supervision and no ensuring they're descent people). *There are plenty of other places he can find friends, and you can take him to places for activities, where he can be on the look out for descent pals, or take him to places you know he's more likely to find such kids.
In 6th grade my parents found out a pal I was friends with at school had parents who were "drinkers". And while a couple times I saw my stepfather and his dad had a beer or two when we visited them [occassionally], my parents didn't want me to be influenced by her parents [who apparently were more of regular drinkers] (should they occassionally allow me) over at their house. I only went there 1 time. She was one of my only friends. They told me I had to tell her I couldn't be friends with her anymore, the very next day at school. So I told her. Obviously she was upset at that, and never talked to me again. It was the right thing for me to do. I never became a drinker or alcoholic. In my view God interviewed and my life was blessed in the long run.
If need be, after evaluating those friends [and parents] you can cut off that friendship, (incl. ensuring no video games with internet buddy connections). Be more watchful over him [maybe only allowing to hang out with kids deemed as friends if you are present, or only at your home so you can guide your son and monitor those kids]. Kids should never be allowed to run around or be somewhere without parental supervision, with them.
Pre facebook, most kids from school were folk we never interacted with again after graduation, college included. So even today it's no big loss. They'll make other, better friends. Kids have similar or same aged relatives in the family so there's more than enough people in their life (besides parents and adults). Kids need guidance and parents are tasked with that job, so they can be the kind of people sent into the world in adulthood who are descent people in society.
If you are not a Christian and you want to explore how Christians conquer and deal with porn and sexually immoral issues this can help. It is a counseling resource.
If you are curious or interested about Christianity, this will help too.
What is the Gospel & why does it matter
What are important things to know about Christianity (4 free videos)
About Church and Christian community
*scroll down to the links area.
Answers to Frequent Questions people have about Christianity.
Related:
Resources for Believers
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